What to do with an insane pushy seller when you have no money

Imagine snooping around in a curiosity store and getting attacked by the most annoying seller ever.

Most fanatic, most ambitious and most annoying seller I’ve ever seen

Do you remember my blog about my Black Hooligan Snotcamouflage when I was arguing with the salesman from a curiosities shop who practically forced me to purchase a real looking totally snapped and probably also many times snapchatted cranky cat robot who was sitting in front of the shop trying to make his way to internet fame and was waiting for the day he turns into a real deal copy cat just like Pinocchio did, except Pinocchio wasn’t a cat?

I think he is the most fanatic, the most ambitious and most annoying seller I’ve ever seen in my life.

While passing this particular shop I saw this cute and peculiar cat lying in the shop window. I stared in these sweet and artificial cat eyes and was amazed by the real cat like movements of the apparently robot cat. I’m not sure the creature liked me because he meowed to me in the most cranky way.

After photographing the thing extended, I went inside to ask how much this cat-wanna-be would cost. And then I met this man, the owner of the small shop with cranky cat robot. The first answer to my price question went well, but then.

I told him that we would discuss the maybe purchase of this ‘don’t-touch-the-robot-cat’-cat when we got home. But apparently he didn’t seem to take ‘maybe’ for an answer and ‘ElStiffo’ suddenly became rather fanatic after that and wanted to practically push and shove me the bad-tempered cat through my throat.

He continued his sales story by saying that this was a really good price and absolute worth the money. In my still very patient mood I nodded and agreed in the nicest way possible. I still have to discuss it at home with the person who maybe wants to buy the beautiful cat. But of course that wasn’t satisfying for the (almost retired) dude.

“I would buy it now, because otherwise you don’t buy it ever again”, he added. And also at the moment I really don’t have the money to spend it right now, I defended myself. The man: “yes but if you buy such a unique-you-really-can’t-let-him-stay-at-my-shop-the-cat-is-top-and-you-are-totally-nuts-if-you-leave-him-here-blah-blah-cat” (at least it sounded that way) “then that is a real good investment.”

Fanatic grizzly like obnoxious disturbing living phantom

While slowly steam came out of my ears, I stumbled: “yes, but I don’t have money enough. I will discuss it with the home front”. And that was the moment this old man changed into a fanatic grizzly like obnoxious disturbing living phantom, the ones you only meet in dreams. “Yeahhh, that’s what they all say and next thing you know is that you never see them back again”, he was raving realizing his cranky cat robot sale was going up in smoke.

I explained I’d really really didn’t have money to buy useless products (although that I didn’t mention). And then we got this awkward uncomfortable back and forth conversation, more like a coercive order from his part nailing me to the wall supplemented with his rambling about his wife and how easy it was to dust the damn robot cat, so it is really no maintenance compared with a real cat, which I suddenly wanted more than ever.

In one second the cranky innocent wannabe-cat turned into a revengeful Azrael mouse spitting nasty ugly cat and you have to blame Gargamel the seller for that. The poor thing had nothing to do with it and just had to be sold.

Abruptly I thought what-the-Blieb do you do with a stupid robot cat who does his whole moves ritual over and over again, meows like Paris Hilton sings, is far from happy and looks grouchy all the time.

But that all maybe had to do with the fact he is now owned by this moronic almost retired Gargamel, is entirely so useless, totally ignores you and I only could mention you all the disadvantages above advantages like chronically having to change batteries, having people come to your house to instagram or what-ever the stupid thing, he doesn’t jump through hoolaahoops for an epic Instagram picture if you ask him to (which is a major bummer), you have to stare in a cranky face all day long, the afterwards risk of being stalked for ever by this determined annoying sales person and his cleaning obsessed wife who certainly wants to control if you have dust the damn cat properly. (Yes that was one whole sentence.)

Advantages

But on the other hand (you don’t have to clean the cat poopoo and vomit stories, it doesn’t come into heat mostly 29 days a month, it can reach the age of probably a thousand years with ease, if a family member wants to pet the death thing; you just throw the stuffed animal to her side so she can pet.

That’s a huge advantage compared with the pulling it’s head and tail to see who wins to pet the cutie (in this case @isabellacutiecat and @tinkerbellcutiecat). You can pet it just like a real cat the man said, which I totally can understand duh, but if the cat reacts like a real cat is another story I think.

“Cats like them too” the super-seller continues, to make it all worse because he overheard me saying what our cats would say about an invasion of this fake-cat. So since when does this gray person (don’t feel offended if you are gray, it’s not your fault; it happens to all of us) has an affection for real cats and owns one or more? I really can’t imagine if I were a cat that I would stay longer than 3 seconds at this neurotic family.

I probably would have jumped onto the man’s head and try to catch his nose from up his gray roof to let him look like Jabberjaw who would have been caught by a fishing hook. But I’m not a cat, too bad. I might be in a next life and then I come after him and hunt him until he’s down on his knees and beg me for forgiveness because as merchant sure do need some respect for your clients if they don’t want to buy something.

Witchcraft

Then a sweat outbreak hit me, which was certainly not funny because I wore my Black Hooligan Snotcamouflage because I am afraid of sharks and old annoying over ambitious brutal sales persons.

I had been in big depth for years so why did the Universe thought it was a good idea to rub that in real good by an oldster who desperately wanted to sell his whole shop inventory to us while we had to watch our money carefully. I really didn’t want to be rude to the man, although he totally and I mean totally deserved it.

I really had the tendency to use some witchcraft with this man by using an Imaginary feet catcher which grabs you by your walking tools with a thick rope, lifts you up so you come to hang upside down and lets you hang with your nose in some real good produced cat spew extract and that other brown stuff.

But this wasn’t the case so unfortunately the man kept on rambling robot cat nonsense for about for ever, at least it felt that way. We eventually instead bought my mother some tea cups she really liked, to ease the pain for Mr. I-wanna-sell-it-all.

The following night, as well as the 49 nights after that, I got stalked by the old fogey in my dreams, so I even got to eliminate the senior salesclerk man also in my nightly delusional fantasy life, which was much easier to do since I could use whatever method, not going into details lol.

Tip

How to avoid bothersome salesmen?

• Buy what you wanted or were looking for and get the x outtathere.
• Look around the store, in between give the man crocked looks (one of the best you can create)
• Just act as if you are deaf…..and psychologically not okay.

Have you ever met a most annoying seller as this one? Please let me know!

For more rigorous measures:

How to Politely Handle Aggressive Salespeople

8 Tips for Dealing with Pushy Salespeople

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