{"id":7276,"date":"2026-08-05T10:30:40","date_gmt":"2026-08-05T08:30:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/?p=7276"},"modified":"2026-08-05T10:30:44","modified_gmt":"2026-08-05T08:30:44","slug":"welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n\n

Dutch<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Who put that here?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m spotting this highly ultimate kid-slurping machine which will eat all of your disturbing annoying kids for free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction boxes again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notice the happy cow on the side of the huge inflatable dancing thing who doesn\u2019t seem that happy at all, which I totally understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And is definitely a tragic result of all those screaming creepy still under construction people, jumping up and down in his stomache.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which of course cause immense nausea for the poor cow, but never mind: the insane inflatable emotionally effected trampoline cow has still 8 other stomaches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or were there only 3?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can\u2019t remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway; apparently somehow we collectively agreed that launching unfinished humans into the stomach of a giant cow is somehow a recreational activity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If one day this thing suddenly burps out 43 toddlers wearing one Croc and carrying half a pancake, don\u2019t say nobody warned you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dutch Who put that here? I\u2019m spotting this highly ultimate kid-slurping machine which will eat all of your disturbing annoying kids for free. So the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":7278,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_vp_format_video_url":"","_vp_image_focal_point":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[1268,1562,1488,1564,1363,1],"tags":[1657,1962,877,1963,1967,1969,1970,529,1966,1968],"class_list":["post-7276","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-flash-crap","category-grandmother-resistance-unit","category-objects-that-felt-weird-immediately","category-here","category-whatever","category-whos-gonna-read-this-anyway","tag-annoying-kids","tag-bounce-house","tag-cow","tag-inflatable","tag-jumping","tag-jumping-kids","tag-kid-slurping-machine","tag-kids","tag-kids-eating-machine","tag-who-put-this-here"],"yoast_head":"\nWelcome to the kid-slurping machine - Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine so the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine - Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine so the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/celesta.vandam\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-05T08:30:40+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-08-05T08:30:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_9380.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Celesta\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Celesta66\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Celesta66\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Celesta\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Celesta\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3acdffcef9dcd01252bd74d93986f519\"},\"headline\":\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-05T08:30:40+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-08-05T08:30:44+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":167,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/IMG_9380.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"annoying kids\",\"bounce house\",\"cow\",\"inflatable\",\"jumping\",\"jumping kids\",\"kid slurping machine\",\"kids\",\"kids eating machine\",\"who put this here\"],\"articleSection\":[\"FlashCrap\",\"Grandmother Resistance Unit\",\"Objects That Felt Weird Immediately\",\"Things That Ended Up Here\",\"Welcome to Whatever This Is\",\"Who's gonna read this anyway\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/\",\"name\":\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine - Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/IMG_9380.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-05T08:30:40+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-08-05T08:30:44+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3acdffcef9dcd01252bd74d93986f519\"},\"description\":\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine so the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/IMG_9380.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/IMG_9380.jpg\",\"width\":1280,\"height\":720,\"caption\":\"put annoying kids in here\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/\",\"name\":\"Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense\",\"description\":\"Humor Blogs, Funny Stories and Absurd Observations\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3acdffcef9dcd01252bd74d93986f519\",\"name\":\"Celesta\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8361a7cbb6a14c18510e2612aaf8d1d55444f0d1ea423982d6ac302cf72c39b6?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8361a7cbb6a14c18510e2612aaf8d1d55444f0d1ea423982d6ac302cf72c39b6?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8361a7cbb6a14c18510e2612aaf8d1d55444f0d1ea423982d6ac302cf72c39b6?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Celesta\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\",\"https:\\\/\\\/x.com\\\/Celesta66\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/celesta.nl\\\/index.php\\\/author\\\/admin\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine - Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense","description":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine so the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine - Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense","og_description":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine so the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction","og_url":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/","og_site_name":"Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/celesta.vandam","article_published_time":"2026-08-05T08:30:40+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-08-05T08:30:44+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1280,"height":720,"url":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_9380.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Celesta","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Celesta66","twitter_site":"@Celesta66","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Celesta","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/"},"author":{"name":"Celesta","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/#\/schema\/person\/3acdffcef9dcd01252bd74d93986f519"},"headline":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine","datePublished":"2026-08-05T08:30:40+00:00","dateModified":"2026-08-05T08:30:44+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/"},"wordCount":167,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_9380.jpg","keywords":["annoying kids","bounce house","cow","inflatable","jumping","jumping kids","kid slurping machine","kids","kids eating machine","who put this here"],"articleSection":["FlashCrap","Grandmother Resistance Unit","Objects That Felt Weird Immediately","Things That Ended Up Here","Welcome to Whatever This Is","Who's gonna read this anyway"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/","url":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/","name":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine - Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_9380.jpg","datePublished":"2026-08-05T08:30:40+00:00","dateModified":"2026-08-05T08:30:44+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/#\/schema\/person\/3acdffcef9dcd01252bd74d93986f519"},"description":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine so the tiny wriggling screech-creatures can never return to their hysterically beeping screen-addiction","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_9380.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_9380.jpg","width":1280,"height":720,"caption":"put annoying kids in here"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/welcome-to-the-kid-slurping-machine\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Welcome to the kid-slurping machine"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/#website","url":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/","name":"Celesta Surviving Human Nonsense","description":"Humor Blogs, Funny Stories and Absurd Observations","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/#\/schema\/person\/3acdffcef9dcd01252bd74d93986f519","name":"Celesta","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8361a7cbb6a14c18510e2612aaf8d1d55444f0d1ea423982d6ac302cf72c39b6?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8361a7cbb6a14c18510e2612aaf8d1d55444f0d1ea423982d6ac302cf72c39b6?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8361a7cbb6a14c18510e2612aaf8d1d55444f0d1ea423982d6ac302cf72c39b6?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Celesta"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/celesta.nl","https:\/\/x.com\/Celesta66"],"url":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/author\/admin\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7276","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7276"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7276\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7279,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7276\/revisions\/7279"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7278"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/celesta.nl\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}