I found a disturbing deceased Dick-looking thing (or something)
Dutch So I just finished a chapter in my new book about some of my disturbing idiotic holiday adventures which are to stupid to be true; but they are I’m afraid. In between writing...
Tagged: Humour
The disrurbing brainwasher
Dutch Live from the increasingly suspicious observation center: meet Bernard, who every month comes knocking to my window to test how my mental state is and and whether I’m still mentally qualified to participate...
Staying fit with your annoying kid be like…
Dutch In the name of de-phoning, I made my own variant from destressing, sometimes you have to snatch your child away from screens you know. You totally have to drag them in completely unnecessary...
The Quarrelsome Meerkats That Were Exterminated by The Zoo
Read in Dutch Since January this year, our entire family collectively got zoo subscriptions. Because yes: baby in da house, so that means staring at ridiculous animals and dragging ourselves through the Rotterdam Zoo...
Probably the only woman in the world who never wanted to be a grandma
Read in Dutch I am probably the only woman in the world who never wanted to be a grandma. Ever. Never ever! Yes seriously. And no: I don’t understand either. But so don’t I...
Why Isn’t Your Face Working??
Read in Dutch When you suddenly hear yourself saying: “Why isn’t your face working??” To a husband who is just doing the dishes while I urgently need to unlock his iPhone because a set...
Disturbed Lunatic Caressing a Piece of Ordinary Cardboard
Yesterday my last three functioning brain cells collectively decided I could no longer tell the difference between ridiculously luxurious design-like felt panels and a completely ordinary white cardboard box at the home improvement store...
A Mysterious Number Called Me in the Middle of the Night
The most scary thing in life for me is when you are fast asleep, dreaming about sitting on the head of a giraffe and you wonder if you should slide down the gigantic neck...
Wij startten een espressobedrijf voordat ChatGPT ons kon vertellen dat we moesten stoppen
In 1989, voordat internet bestond en voordat iedere peuter al een startupmindset en een podcast had, besloten Jaco en ik op de een of andere manier dat het een volkomen redelijke levenskeuze zou zijn...
50-Year-Old Pencils That Outlasted Great Glitter Shortage
Dutch Translation These pencils, yes, 50 years old or more; have outlasted the great glitter shortage, flip phones, the rise and fall of tamagotchi empires, my questionable attempt at macramé wall art.and my patience...
From Diva to Disaster in Days
Dutch translation Okay, people. Let’s talk about my latest foray into floral folly. My husband snagged this GORGEOUS dahlia at the market last week. We’re talking a showstopper, blooms the size of my head...
Van Diva naar Drama in Dagen
Engelse vertaling Oké mensen, laten we het ff hebben over mijn nieuwste bloementafereel. Mijn man scoorde vorige week deze PRACHTIGE dahlia op de markt. We hebben ‘t over een spektakelstuk, met bloemen zo groot...
Zijn Mungbonen levensreddende kleine monsters?
English translation Mungbonen, ‘wat in hemelsnaam zijn Mungbonen’; was de allereerste reactie die ik had toen ik half dood in mijn bed lag in de zomer van 2013. Dat jaar zou mijn persoonlijke geschiedenisboek...
When Your Ultra-Smart Husband Thinks He’s Superman
When your ultra smart husband thinks he’s Superman and can walk down an insane long staircase with 3600 bags of empty bottles, sacks of old paper, waste boxes, an old barrel organ, a stack...
I Identify as Stuttering Incoherent Canary
I feel like I owe you an apology for being such a chaotic babble aunty. Not that I owe you one; it’s more that I owe myself one. Its me not you. When I...
This video shows me lying
This TikTok video of mine is of course one big joke. At least for me personally, but I can assure you it is totally relevant to the majority of people on this earth f***....
Letter to my Proton-Chip Eating Pen-Pals in the Year 6020
Dear Future People (1), It’s me Celesta! You totally don’t know me, but I have been a human who existed 4000 years back in time. I’ll hope you’ll get my note. I don’t think...
Something with poses and scratch-proof for savvy shoppers
I came across this thing this morning. A colored brick.Yes.I like the purple one.But the orange-like one, suits my website more. It seems to be a yoga-brick-thing. A yoga block in seven colors. That...
Sudden Insane Jaws 2 like Cat-Bird garden attack panic happening and how we eventually prevented bird brain flying around
You want to know why on earth you have to keep your keys in the back door of your house?
What to do with an insane pushy seller when you have no money
Imagine snooping around in a curiosity store and getting attacked by the most annoying seller ever. Most fanatic, most ambitious and most annoying seller I’ve ever seen Do you remember my blog about my...
