I found a disturbing deceased Dick-looking thing (or something)
So I just finished a chapter in my new book about some of my disturbing idiotic holiday adventures which are to stupid to be true; but they are I’m afraid.
In between writing absurd stuff you sometimes need a lunchbreak so I’m off to the kitchen where I suddenly feel like living in some sort of parallel universum projecting my biography stories and being stuck in them for a reason.
I just finished the pre historic creature story and how I accidentally tortured a big nose (my nose) inspecting a salamander beast.
In this particular disturbing adventure, every now and then there was a small salamander who slipped by and I took the privilege to examine the little monster more closely, but apparently it got out of hand.
My father and I tried very careful to study his tail and we even didn’t speak to each other because that could scare him away as we wanted to see if his tail could wiggle.
I decided it would be an absolutely brilliant idea to gently pick up the tropical creature and let it crawl on my hand like some kind of responsible nature woman.
I carefully (really carefully, I’m no moron) touched the suspiciously wiggly tail and suddenly we heard the most horrifying little cccrrraaaack sound imaginable.
Before my brain could even process the situation, I was standing there holding a gigantic detached salamander tail in my hand like I had accidentally committed a tiny prehistoric crime.
But then confusion tried to attack me also: the ripped-off tail was STILL MOVING.
The thing continued flapping around like an unhinged haunted napkin. And ofcourse if I was’t already cruel enough, I totally dropped the tail with the power of a dumbbell on the floor back while my soul temporarily left my body for administrative reasons.
So now I return to the lunchbreak story: I started preparing a meal when I suddenly saw THIS on the counter.
Whuttt.
How could the salamander tail relaxing here on my kitchen counter? I never brought the amputated thing home, but most certainly wasn’t as big as this one; besides that all 45 years ago.
What on earth is that thing and what’s it doing in my kitchen. Totally story-stoned from my just finished anecdote; I examine this weird looking thing.
Did someone found a dick I’m not aware of and why is it’s end-point deceased? How did it got ripped off? Why is it culturing in a container of water? Is it thirsty? Most of all: why is it culturing in my kitchen?!
It took a minute to realise it probably was a purple carrot waiting to end up in some rabbit’s mouth downstairs or in a questionable soup with absolutely no business existing.
But still rose my questions: how has that thing transformed itself in an undeniable most ugly now totally inedible deceased dickthing lookalike. Not that I would or should know…
It probably got scared while It probably got scared while rotting in the back of the refrigerator next to a leaking cucumber and completely gave up on being part of the food chain entirely.
